My wife and I went to Sweet Tomatoes last night for dinner. We don't do the buffet thing very often, but it had been a long day and neither of us had eaten much. I'll start by saying that nothing I'm about to say is a reflection on Sweet Tomatoes as a company, nor is it intended to be a slam on their staff. No, this is solely about the people patronizing buffets in general, I just happened to be at Sweet Tomatoes when I had this revelation. That said I witnessed something that has turned me off from the whole buffet concept and got me thinking for the first time what it really means to eat at a buffet of any type.
I drank a lot more coffee yesterday than I usually do. Now, anyone who knows me knows that I tend to drink a lot of coffee to begin with, so for me to say I drank more than usual is really something. Let's just say I think it will be next spring before Starbucks gets more coffee in. Now all of this coffee had its inevitable effect on me so about halfway through dinner I had to pee. I went to the restroom and the only urinal was taken so I did my business in one of the stalls, flushed the toilet, and went to wash my hands. As I was walking over to the sink, the man at the urinal flushed, zipped up, and went to the paper towel dispenser. He wiped his hands with a towel, and then walked out of the restroom. Did I mention that he never actually washed his hands? I mean, come on, this is basic personal hygiene here. Maybe he didn't attend kindergarten or was sick the day they taught hand washing in pre-school, but it just seems like a no brainer. Also, do I really want to know why he felt the need to wipe his hands with a towel?
The man's non hand washing got me thinking. How many other people went to the bathroom and did far more disgusting things without washing their hands? How many women have touched their hoo hoo's or changed a feminine hygiene product and not washed their hands after? And how many of these same people then went back to the buffet line because they just couldn't resist another piece of that yummy sponge cake?
Am I weird because I don't want to wonder what kinds of crabs are in the crab cake, or contract the clap from the salad dressing? I'm thinking not, but all of this got me thinking about other scenarios that probably happen more often than I'd like. For example the child going through the buffet line who's just tall enough to reach the food but too short for the sneeze guard to be effective. Children are carriers people! They wipe their snotty little noses on the same hands they use to get food off the line and they're somewhat dubious on that whole using utensils thing. Most of them don't actually wash their hands... ever. Oh sure, mom is usually on the ball and asks them if they washed after using the bathroom but we all know children are chronic liars. They don't like to wash their hands so unless someone is there to witness the alleged hand washing they won't do it.
As if children aren't bad enough there's the old people. Buffets attract old people like Elmer's on a Sunday morning. I really don't know why, but they show up in packs when the retirement home bus drops them off. They spend their time alternately complaining about all the kids and remarking at how good the food formerly known as "broccoli" is. Then at 4:00 the bus comes and picks them up so they can be back in their cages in time to sip prune juice while watching Jeapordy before they go to bed at 7:00. I once witnessed an old man poke a dessert with his finger as he inquired what it was. He didn't take it... he just poked at it like it was some sort of lab experiment and then moved on.
All of this got me thinking what it means to eat at a place where the food is communal. People as a general rule don't really think too much about the concept of safe food handling. They're used to going to restaurants where all of that stuff is handled for them, but the fact of the matter is that while this works for your average restaurant where the only people handling your food are you, the chef, and the waiter it doesn't work so much where anyone and everyone has access to the food you're about to consume. In a buffet setting we are all responsible for safe food handling which means washing your damn hands after you touch your wee wee.
So, I'm swearing off buffets. They're not really all that good for you, and I know for myself I tend to eat far too much until I swear I'll explode if I have that last wafer thin mint. I'm boycotting buffets forever... or until I have to go because it's someone's birthday and that's where they want to go... or until I get really really hungry.
I promise to wash my hands.
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